It’s been too long since I’ve been on here. I think I’ve been hiding, since I haven’t known what to say. Which doesn’t make sense, since I’m a yapper and seemingly always have something to say.

I decided to move towards getting bariatric surgery to improve my health, at least I hope it does. It’s supposed to help with my sleep apnea, messed up hormones, and achy joints. We’ll see.

Lately, my children have been waking up at night more often than when they were newborns. We room-share since they’re still little and want to be near me, but they have their own beds from my husband and me. All the nightly wakings have me dragging my feet during the day. I feel so out of sorts, and it’s making it a slow, agonizing process to get my duties done. I just remind myself “do it tired,” because doing it tired is better than not doing it at all, like when it comes to laundry. I’d rather be exhausted with clean laundry than “rested” with dirty laundry. Not that I feel rested much lately, even when my husband has the kids and I’m napping, I’m tossing and turning the entire time.

Maybe I’m simply surviving burnout again. I’m not much for quitting, though. Procrastinating? Yes. But quitting is not an option, so I’ll give myself some time before I light my fire again. I restarted my Lexapro, maybe it’ll help this mental rut I’m in. It was helping before, then I ran out and procrastinated getting a refill.

I need to spend less time on social media. I’ve picked it up again, and I feel like it’s ruining my evenings. Instead of focusing on the things I like, I just doomscroll like an internet zombie. So far this year, I’ve only accomplished a handful of goals from my 2026 goal list, and using social media less isn’t one of them, ugh.

On a positive note, since I don’t like being a Debbie Downer, I’ve been collecting vintage-ish purses for my accessories collection. Because I love to share, I’ll make a post soon about my latest bag and everything I keep inside it. Recently, the bags I’m obsessed with are B. Makowsky, Tignanello, Dooney & Bourke, and Coach. I’m pretty picky about the bags I want, so hunting them down has been the bulk of the fun (plus the acquisition)! Currently, I’m searching for a vintage leather or suede leopard-print shoulder bag and something similar to the Acne Camero Party Shoulder Bag (since that shit is way out of my budget).

I’ve taken my skincare more seriously, but my haircare, I have all but given up. I couldn’t tell you what wave pattern I have, but I know two things for certain. My hair loves to frizz, and it doesn’t matter if some ancient hair god gave me specific directions for how to define my waves; they will do what they want. I think I’m going to settle for shampoo, conditioner, leave-in, and leave it the hell alone!

That’s all I’ve got for now. It was nice being back. The more I wrote, the more it all came to me. Like chatting with an old friend, but I don’t want this to be my old friend. I want to be here more often.

x, Zabe.

p.s. My birthday is in 3 days (Sunday)! I can’t believe I’ll be 32. I don’t feel 32, but then, what should that feel like? Maybe it just feels like 31, 30, 29, and so on.